Sorry this post is a little late. My Mom is in town and I've been spending lots of time with her and my little brother. Time is traveling along...sometimes not fast enough. As my due date nears I find myself more and more anxious to meet this little girl who's been growing inside of me. I just can't wait to hold her in my arms. The Non-Stress Tests continue to be normal- Zoe always passes with flying colors. This week we start cervical exams with the doctor- how fun- and I guess we'll just see what happens. Is it sad that I'm hoping to be induced? Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a planner. I am not spontaneous...ever. So, this whole labor at any given moment thing kind of freaks me out. I want it to be all planned out so I can make sure my Mom is here, make sure I have everything ready, that my bag is packed, etc. Of course I know this is not how labor works. There is an excellent possibility that I won't get to be induced and I'll just have to roll with the punches. Maybe it will be good for me. I know that my planned out lifestyle is not necessarily the best environment for a child. Babies do not make plans...they are the masters of spontaneity. Maybe this is something I should learn to deal with now?
As of now, Zoe should weigh about 5 lbs and should be about 16 inches long. Reading this really puts in perspective the importance of her growth the next few weeks. In terms of newborn size, she's currently tiny! She gets the hiccups often. I told my Mom that I hope she's not exercising those lungs merely in preparation to be a screamer. She moves around a lot, possibly trying to find one comfortable spot in a very cramped space...while I do contortions to keep her out of my ribs. So big and yet so small...
Grandma (to be) is very excited. In fact she held my niece the other day and got all teary-eyed and said she couldn't wait until Zoe gets here. (Just a side note: Have you ever tried to comfortably hold a newborn when you're pregnant? Let me tell you, it is awkward. I can't wait until I can comfortable hold my nieces...as well as my baby girl.) Love is always rubbing and kissing my belly and telling Zoe to stay strong and healthy. He can't wait for her arrival either. It has also been fun to have my little brother around. He's always trying to feel for where she is or lays his head on my belly. He'll be a young, but great uncle.
Things to Remember
I was thinking yesterday about how much I've complained lately about being pregnant. In all reality I have really enjoyed pregnancy up until it started getting hard. Even during the hard parts, though, there are still so many things that bring me joy. So, I decided to write down the things I want to remember from this pregnancy, and share them with you.
-The prayers, heartache and fears as we struggled to conceive. It may sound weird, but I just want to keep myself grounded. I will never forget what a blessing it is to be pregnant, and what a blessing she will be to our lives, as long as I remember the road that led here.
-Our first meeting with my favorite Doctor. After our experience with our first doctor that supposedly specialized in infertility, our present doctor is and was a breath of fresh air.
-Seeing two pink lines.
-Matt's face when I told him.
-Our family/ friend's reactions when we shared the news. I'll never forget how many people were there to support us with love and prayers while we were trying and the excitement they felt for us when our miracle finally happened.
-Calling my own parents Grandma and Grandpa.
-Our first appointment and my excitement over a little black and white picture of a bean with a heartbeat...and hearing it for the first time.
-Starting to show...
-The car accident...because I knew at that moment that she was and will always be the most important person in my life.
-Hearing a perfect little heartbeat the morning after the accident.
-Those first little flutters of movement and realizing they were her.
-Finding out we were having a little baby girl and seeing the first pictures of our sweet baby.
-Matt getting to feel her move for the first time. She would always stop moving when he tried to feel her. One day, he placed his ear on my bare stomach and just listened. She promptly delivered three swift kicks to his head. :)
-Growing out of so many items of clothing and being ok with it.
-When my Mom and siblings got to feel her move for the first time.
-Getting over the fact that I have stretch marks because anything is worth it for her.
-The baby showers.
-The joy I feel and the smile on my face every time she kicks a book resting on my stomach, rolls across my belly- making it look alive or gets the hiccups.
-Matt's impatience for her arrival- he is going to be such an amazing father.
-The fact that I can get over my needle phobia to make sure we are safe.
-Wearing flip-flops everyday because they are the only shoes I fit into.
-Knowing that I love and will love her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life.
-Knowing that, by love, prayers, tears, and patience, she was sent to Matt and I at just the right time as a gift from our Father in Heaven.
-Lastly, knowing that my life is about to change forever...and being perfectly OK with that.
I'm certain that is not everything...but I think this post is long enough. I know there are many of you that read this blog that haven't experienced this before. Either because it hasn't happened for you YET, or because you're not ready, or too young or whatever. I just want to clarify that, through all my rantings and I near the end of this pregnancy, these things are the joys I experience every day. No matter how hard it is, or how tough it gets, it is all worth it. I hope every person in this world gets to someday experience this kind of happiness...and if you do, that you don't take it for granted.
-The prayers, heartache and fears as we struggled to conceive. It may sound weird, but I just want to keep myself grounded. I will never forget what a blessing it is to be pregnant, and what a blessing she will be to our lives, as long as I remember the road that led here.
-Our first meeting with my favorite Doctor. After our experience with our first doctor that supposedly specialized in infertility, our present doctor is and was a breath of fresh air.
-Seeing two pink lines.
-Matt's face when I told him.
-Our family/ friend's reactions when we shared the news. I'll never forget how many people were there to support us with love and prayers while we were trying and the excitement they felt for us when our miracle finally happened.
-Calling my own parents Grandma and Grandpa.
-Our first appointment and my excitement over a little black and white picture of a bean with a heartbeat...and hearing it for the first time.
-Starting to show...
-The car accident...because I knew at that moment that she was and will always be the most important person in my life.
-Hearing a perfect little heartbeat the morning after the accident.
-Those first little flutters of movement and realizing they were her.
-Finding out we were having a little baby girl and seeing the first pictures of our sweet baby.
-Matt getting to feel her move for the first time. She would always stop moving when he tried to feel her. One day, he placed his ear on my bare stomach and just listened. She promptly delivered three swift kicks to his head. :)
-Growing out of so many items of clothing and being ok with it.
-When my Mom and siblings got to feel her move for the first time.
-Getting over the fact that I have stretch marks because anything is worth it for her.
-The baby showers.
-The joy I feel and the smile on my face every time she kicks a book resting on my stomach, rolls across my belly- making it look alive or gets the hiccups.
-Matt's impatience for her arrival- he is going to be such an amazing father.
-The fact that I can get over my needle phobia to make sure we are safe.
-Wearing flip-flops everyday because they are the only shoes I fit into.
-Knowing that I love and will love her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life.
-Knowing that, by love, prayers, tears, and patience, she was sent to Matt and I at just the right time as a gift from our Father in Heaven.
-Lastly, knowing that my life is about to change forever...and being perfectly OK with that.
I'm certain that is not everything...but I think this post is long enough. I know there are many of you that read this blog that haven't experienced this before. Either because it hasn't happened for you YET, or because you're not ready, or too young or whatever. I just want to clarify that, through all my rantings and I near the end of this pregnancy, these things are the joys I experience every day. No matter how hard it is, or how tough it gets, it is all worth it. I hope every person in this world gets to someday experience this kind of happiness...and if you do, that you don't take it for granted.
33+ Weeks
Wow, I'm beginning to understand how women are completely ready for labor by the time it finally comes around. Time seems to have slowed as I am steadily approaching my due date. The heartburn is ever-present, Zoe likes to sit on my sciatic nerve, I'm tired, and yes, I'm waddling. The Doc has started weekly appointments with me (early) and I have to go in for non-stress tests twice a week. I'm not sure if I mentioned that the Diabetes Center decided to put me on insulin...I think I did. Anyway, it was because of the Gestational Diabetes and being on insulin that I had to start these tests. The cool thing about the test is I was able to triple confirm that Zoe is, in fact, a girl. Also, I get to see pictures of her twice a week...which is a huge comfort. So far baby Zoe and I are scoring well and I have nothing to worry about...but just the fact that I'm having to do them and see the doctor so often...makes me think I have much less time than I thought I did. So, on one hand, time is dragging by and I can't wait for this baby to get here...and on the other, (OH NO!) I have way less time than I thought and find myself frantically trying to prepare. Are you confused? I am. Anyway, I unpacked and washed everything for Zoe and put it away in her room...so that is done. I still need to find a pediatrician for her, finish a few house projects, and pack my hospital bag...which leads me to my question for the day. What would/did you put in your hospital bag?
The Place Where I Will Live
Thank you everyone for your sweet comments on my last post. I was having a very bad day and I think a lot of it escaped into my writing. I appreciate you listening. Today I have only good news:
We put money down yesterday to reserve a lot to build a new house! :) Love and I are very excited. At first we weren't sure we were going to be able to take advantage of the great deal they were offering because of a large down payment the builders required. All seemed lost so I turned to the analytical mind in my family, my Dad, to ask for his advice. I was overwhelmed with emotion when my Dad and then my Grandma said they would help us come up with the money. I love my family and am constantly grateful for everything they do for us. They have more than once been an answer to prayers. It seems we will finally be able to have a place of our own...and stop throwing away money on rent...all because they were willing and able to help. I'm feeling very blessed today and just wanted to share that joy with all of you.
We put money down yesterday to reserve a lot to build a new house! :) Love and I are very excited. At first we weren't sure we were going to be able to take advantage of the great deal they were offering because of a large down payment the builders required. All seemed lost so I turned to the analytical mind in my family, my Dad, to ask for his advice. I was overwhelmed with emotion when my Dad and then my Grandma said they would help us come up with the money. I love my family and am constantly grateful for everything they do for us. They have more than once been an answer to prayers. It seems we will finally be able to have a place of our own...and stop throwing away money on rent...all because they were willing and able to help. I'm feeling very blessed today and just wanted to share that joy with all of you.
32, Mothers, and The Shots
The title is a perfect example of how I'm feeling lately. It seems that the minute the weather starts to warm up, we are busy little bees. For instance, every day for the next 11 days is planned. While this is certainly helping the time fly by, it is also making me tired. I spend any extra time resting with my feet up to try to keep the swelling down. Instead I would like to be finishing Zoe's room, cleaning my house, running errands, finishing projects...you get the idea. Anyhow, that is my excuse- yes I know I'm full of those- for not posting until now. And on to the update:
I am 32 weeks...which means I have roughly 7 and a half weeks left until my due date...which is not very long and yet is an eternity. Zoe is almost 4 pounds- and I can feel her weight starting to take it's toll on my back, my bones and my energy level. She's still kicking around in there fairly often...many times torturing my poor ribs. I have been having small contractions a bit more often...but no worries. I am starting to feel more out of breath and get heartburn after nearly everything I eat. I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday.
Mother's Day was really fun for me. Love got me an hour long pregnancy massage...something I've been wanting for a bit. Now I just have to decide when to get it. :) My Mom, my sister, both Grandma's and my Aunt made it a point to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" and it meant a lot to me. I got to speak with many of the mothers in my life and spent the afternoon with Love's family for dinner. Overall it was a great day. Last year Mother's Day was a bit painful for me, so I shared my thoughts about my own Mother. This year Mother's Day was filled with hope and excitement for what is to come. I love these feelings.
Today I had another appointment with the Diabetes people and it didn't go so well. I feel confused. My doctor tells me I don't have diabetes, my numbers (blood sugar levels) tell me I do. When I went in today I wasn't sure what to expect. They are worried that my numbers are getting higher and decided to put me on a small dose of insulin and I, once again, have to test my sugars 7 times a day. I hate to admit it, but I have cheated a few times as far as the amount of carbs I have and haven't been exercising the last couple of weeks. I was emotional about the whole thing for several reasons:
1. I'm pregnant and am therefore emotional about everything.
2. I feel like it's my fault because I haven't been doing EVERYTHING I can to stay within range.
3. I breathed a sigh of relief when my OB/GYN said I didn't have gestational diabetes, but still knew I wasn't normal and today made me realize I really do have it.
4. I hate needles. Pricking myself has been bad enough, now I have to give myself a shot once a day.
I am just tired. I want this pregnancy to be over so I know she's here and she's safe and my body can return to a state of normalcy. In the meantime, I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions and trying to find the will to do better.
I am 32 weeks...which means I have roughly 7 and a half weeks left until my due date...which is not very long and yet is an eternity. Zoe is almost 4 pounds- and I can feel her weight starting to take it's toll on my back, my bones and my energy level. She's still kicking around in there fairly often...many times torturing my poor ribs. I have been having small contractions a bit more often...but no worries. I am starting to feel more out of breath and get heartburn after nearly everything I eat. I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday.
Mother's Day was really fun for me. Love got me an hour long pregnancy massage...something I've been wanting for a bit. Now I just have to decide when to get it. :) My Mom, my sister, both Grandma's and my Aunt made it a point to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" and it meant a lot to me. I got to speak with many of the mothers in my life and spent the afternoon with Love's family for dinner. Overall it was a great day. Last year Mother's Day was a bit painful for me, so I shared my thoughts about my own Mother. This year Mother's Day was filled with hope and excitement for what is to come. I love these feelings.
Today I had another appointment with the Diabetes people and it didn't go so well. I feel confused. My doctor tells me I don't have diabetes, my numbers (blood sugar levels) tell me I do. When I went in today I wasn't sure what to expect. They are worried that my numbers are getting higher and decided to put me on a small dose of insulin and I, once again, have to test my sugars 7 times a day. I hate to admit it, but I have cheated a few times as far as the amount of carbs I have and haven't been exercising the last couple of weeks. I was emotional about the whole thing for several reasons:
1. I'm pregnant and am therefore emotional about everything.
2. I feel like it's my fault because I haven't been doing EVERYTHING I can to stay within range.
3. I breathed a sigh of relief when my OB/GYN said I didn't have gestational diabetes, but still knew I wasn't normal and today made me realize I really do have it.
4. I hate needles. Pricking myself has been bad enough, now I have to give myself a shot once a day.
I am just tired. I want this pregnancy to be over so I know she's here and she's safe and my body can return to a state of normalcy. In the meantime, I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions and trying to find the will to do better.
Attention...
The 32 weeks post is coming soon...as is a new design now that icy, blue winter has loosened it's grip. For now, here's an example of the attention Zoe and I got while I was home in NM:
P.S. That blanket behind me...yeah, I totally crocheted that! :)
P.S. That blanket behind me...yeah, I totally crocheted that! :)
A Third Trimester Class
Last night was our first "labor preparation class". It was interesting. No one in the group was very talkative and I am somewhat shy, so we didn't get to know anyone. We talked a lot about the different stages of birth and signs of real vs. false labor. We also practiced breathing and relaxation techniques. The educator played a video for us, which was only slightly comical due to when it was made, and afterward I approached Love about two things- since he's done this before. First, I asked if I get to wear a gown and if I'll be covered up most of the time until actual birth- because I swear every woman in the video was practically nude. (He said yes.) Second, I was a little unnerved by the color of the baby just out of the womb. I remember seeing my little sister born, but I don't remember her being bluish- of course I was 11. I guess I knew somewhere deep down, but it made me glad I signed up for the class so I would be prepared for that. I took me a long time to finally decide to take the class, but so far I'm happy with the decision. Did any of you moms take a class?
Finances and Promised Photos
So, Love and I spent probably two hours talking about money today. I have all these worries about working only part time after Zoe comes, and how we're going to pay all the bills while I'm on Maternity leave. We have plans in the works, but sometimes I wish somehow I could twinkle my nose and our debt would be gone. Wouldn't that be nice? I think we've talked through and found a couple immediate solutions...so that's good- talking definitely helps. I still hold on to the hope that, somehow, there will be a way for me to stay home with Zoe and not have to go back to work at all...but I keep myself in check because, right now, there is no way that will happen. I know that the Lord will bless us and that, hopefully, we'll have enough for what we need...I guess I just need to keep praying and try to make as much as I can before our little miracle gets here. Sorry to bore you with money talk, but I'm sure I'm not the only one that has these issues...how do you deal with financial worries?
Also, I know I never posted the pictures of the blessing dress my Mom made that caused me to burst into tears at my shower...so here they are now:
Also, I know I never posted the pictures of the blessing dress my Mom made that caused me to burst into tears at my shower...so here they are now:
And the Road Takes Another Turn
Well I'm 31 weeks now and had a doctor's appointment yesterday that was very interesting. To sum it up, let's just say my doctor took a look at my blood sugar numbers over the past couple weeks and pretty much said they were too good...that I don't have gestational diabetes. What??????????? Yeah, so we talked about it and remember how I said I thought it was strange that they didn't have me fast before the three hour glucose test? Well I WAS supposed to. So, obviously my sugars would be ridiculously high since your fasting blood sugar should be quite a bit lower than it is after you eat. Anyway, I do still have a sensitivity to carbs and sugars as displayed by my numbers when I have too much, but now all I have to do is stick to the diet and keep up the exercise and only test ONCE a day. Can I just tell you how nice that is? I really don't mind the diet too much. It's a healthier way to live...and something I want to teach Zoe early on. And I only gained one pound in the last four weeks, which is AWESOME. Overall, I feel less stressed and that is wonderful.
In other news, I got to go home last weekend to have my family/friend baby shower in New Mexico. It was so much fun! I got a lot of cute things and a few things we really needed...we're still lacking some basics, but hopefully after the next shower and our purchases we'll have basics as well. Also, my Mom made me cry at the sight of the most beautiful blessing dress I have ever seen. She hand crocheted it and added little bow and ribbon details to it that made it nothing short of exquisite. She made me leave it home so she could finish a couple things, but I got a couple pictures. I will try to post them tonight. It was awesome to spend time with my family. Zoe and I got plenty of attention as she is the first grandchild in my family and the first great grandchild on my Dad's side of the family. Everyone is so excited...which just feeds my excitement. One night while I was home, I had both sisters, my Mom and my little brother feeling my belly trying to elicit a kick or a movement from Zoe. It was quite exciting for them and I can tell Zoe is going to be one spoiled little girl. I also got a chance to see a lot of good friends while I was home. One in particular who just had a baby- and looks great! Little Eila Ruth is just beautiful and Esme is getting so big, I can't believe it! Overall it was an awesome trip, but I wish it had been longer and I could have spent more time with a few people...you know who you are.
As for little Zoe, she is getting so big! Weighing in at a whopping 3 lbs 5 oz (roughly) and measuring nearly 15 inches long. Of course these are just estimates, but I can feel how big she's getting in there. She's certainly running out of room. According to my Mom, she has dropped a bit- hopefully taking advantage of some of the space being tall affords me. It's funny/ a little painful when she stretches out and I can feel her simultaneously in my ribs and lower pelvis. As for me, things are going fine- besides just starting to feel the aches and pains of pregnancy...and hoping that a combination of rest and exercise will alleviate some of it.
There are babies everywhere. Before I left for home, Love and I were able to stop by the hospital Thursday night to meet our newest niece. She is healthy and beautiful and we fell in love instantly! I was excited to see her before I left. I swear every baby I hold makes me want Zoe to be here now- though I know she's not ready and hope she won't come until she is. Love is getting just as antsy. All this new baby stuff around, two new nieces to cuddle...it's no wonder we can't wait...not to mention how long it took for us to get to this point. I know she will be here before we know it though.
Lastly, I want to mention two things:
First, I am so grateful for the sweet, supportive comments I received about my fears about becoming a mother. I am constantly touched by old and new friends who form a strong support system with me on this little site of mine and grateful that you think so much of me.
Second, I think I'm going to try something new...and I'm going to hope I don't bore you out of your minds. I have become a blogging slacker again and want to try to do something to get myself used to writing more- which will hopefully shorten the really long posts once a week. So, I have decided to write something...anything...once a day to get back in the habit...and hope you will bear with me while I experiment. Thanks in advance!
In other news, I got to go home last weekend to have my family/friend baby shower in New Mexico. It was so much fun! I got a lot of cute things and a few things we really needed...we're still lacking some basics, but hopefully after the next shower and our purchases we'll have basics as well. Also, my Mom made me cry at the sight of the most beautiful blessing dress I have ever seen. She hand crocheted it and added little bow and ribbon details to it that made it nothing short of exquisite. She made me leave it home so she could finish a couple things, but I got a couple pictures. I will try to post them tonight. It was awesome to spend time with my family. Zoe and I got plenty of attention as she is the first grandchild in my family and the first great grandchild on my Dad's side of the family. Everyone is so excited...which just feeds my excitement. One night while I was home, I had both sisters, my Mom and my little brother feeling my belly trying to elicit a kick or a movement from Zoe. It was quite exciting for them and I can tell Zoe is going to be one spoiled little girl. I also got a chance to see a lot of good friends while I was home. One in particular who just had a baby- and looks great! Little Eila Ruth is just beautiful and Esme is getting so big, I can't believe it! Overall it was an awesome trip, but I wish it had been longer and I could have spent more time with a few people...you know who you are.
As for little Zoe, she is getting so big! Weighing in at a whopping 3 lbs 5 oz (roughly) and measuring nearly 15 inches long. Of course these are just estimates, but I can feel how big she's getting in there. She's certainly running out of room. According to my Mom, she has dropped a bit- hopefully taking advantage of some of the space being tall affords me. It's funny/ a little painful when she stretches out and I can feel her simultaneously in my ribs and lower pelvis. As for me, things are going fine- besides just starting to feel the aches and pains of pregnancy...and hoping that a combination of rest and exercise will alleviate some of it.
There are babies everywhere. Before I left for home, Love and I were able to stop by the hospital Thursday night to meet our newest niece. She is healthy and beautiful and we fell in love instantly! I was excited to see her before I left. I swear every baby I hold makes me want Zoe to be here now- though I know she's not ready and hope she won't come until she is. Love is getting just as antsy. All this new baby stuff around, two new nieces to cuddle...it's no wonder we can't wait...not to mention how long it took for us to get to this point. I know she will be here before we know it though.
Lastly, I want to mention two things:
First, I am so grateful for the sweet, supportive comments I received about my fears about becoming a mother. I am constantly touched by old and new friends who form a strong support system with me on this little site of mine and grateful that you think so much of me.
Second, I think I'm going to try something new...and I'm going to hope I don't bore you out of your minds. I have become a blogging slacker again and want to try to do something to get myself used to writing more- which will hopefully shorten the really long posts once a week. So, I have decided to write something...anything...once a day to get back in the habit...and hope you will bear with me while I experiment. Thanks in advance!
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