Sunshine

I'm sitting here in my room listening to the dishwasher running downstairs, the breeze and the sounds of cars passing coming through my open window, and the sweet singing of my little princess- who is supposed to be sleeping- coming from the other room. I've spent the last few days outside as much as possible, trying to soak up as much warmth and sunshine as I possibly can. As I sit here, I'm thinking some of that sunshine has seeped right into my soul. (Some of you will understand that reference.) Tonight, I'm feeling incredibly blessed.

There are a lot of things going on in my life that are hard. Frustrations with money, pregnancy pains, how to manage my time, worries about the future...the list goes on. These things are always floating through my mind. There are people in my life that have much bigger worries than me, yet I can't help feeling weighed down by my own burdens. Too often I find myself just trying to get through until some future event. My days are passing me by. With that passage of time I am getting closer to meeting this new little angel who is presently kicking around in my belly. With that passage of time Zoe gets closer and closer to being two.

The past few days I have lowered my expectations of what a clean house is, I've left things for another day, I've turned off the television and gone outside. We have taken walks, blown bubbles, spent time with friends, gone to the park, watered the plants, collected rocks, been sunburned, and just sat on the porch enjoying the weather. This freedom has allowed my mind to put away the worries and live a little more in the moment. Tonight I let Zoe sing me two songs before bed after I had already sang her three. We read a few more books than we normally do. She hugged me five times on each side before she would let me put her down. I wasn't rushing to get downstairs and watch whatever was on. I wasn't in a hurry to get her to bed even though it was past bedtime. I just let the bedtime routine play on as it wanted and tried to soak up each sweet moment that I had with my first born. It was magical.

Love works so hard all day every day. Most of the time he comes home, we eat dinner, and we veg on the couch until bedtime. Lately, though, he's been coming home, changing and coming outside to play basketball with Zoe and the neighbor kids. Or sitting on the porch and talking to me or to our friends. He's busier when warm weather comes going to softball games, golfing, or basketball on Saturday mornings. Still he finds time to do the dishes and take out the trash to help me out just a little.

I've started yoga (again) and made sure to do something active everyday. I feel like this has let me ease up, enjoy life as it is now, and make smarter choices with what I put in my body- most of the time. Being more active seems to help me to be stronger, but it also adds to my pregnancy pains and that is hard, but I feel like it will be better for me (and for Paige) during delivery and as I recover. I make it a point to read (even if it's not much) every day and have been enjoying having a bit of "me" time. I feel successful in my work and that is a great blessing after many slow months.

In general, I feel happy. No matter the difficulties we face and the challenges that lie ahead for us, I know that somehow we'll be OK. I know everything will work out. I need to remember that life isn't about a perfectly clean house. Maybe it's about tiny hands collecting rocks and playing in the dirt. Maybe it's about relaxing and enjoying the movements of my second child. Perhaps it's about spending quality time with the love of my life. Or having daily porch conversations with friends. Something about the cold weather makes me forget all these things. I'm so grateful for the sunshine up above and all the little rays of sunshine in my life that fill me up and make me whole. I thank my Heavenly Father, publicly, at this moment for the blessing that is my life.