It's time for Five Minute Friday! Click over to The Gypsy Mama for instructions if you would like to
participate! (You totally should!)
Go.
I have lost several people in my life. I lost my sister three hours into her
life at age 12. I lost both my Grandfathers in the same year. But the hardest
loss I have EVER had to deal with was the (now temporary) loss of my
husband.
I am finally ready to talk about what I went through. I choose to do it here where I can do it once, and quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.
The loss of the person you were supposed to spend your life with is the worst thing I have felt or could ever imagine. It is a physical, emotional, mental, draining loss. A loss that make you unable to breathe. A loss that makes you want to puke. A loss that doesn't let you eat. A loss that causes you to drop 30 pounds in a month.
It is a loss that makes you cry until there are no tears left. A loss that keeps you dry sobbing when the tears are gone.
It is a loss of the future. Of all your plans. A place of chopped up memories.
It is the inability to answer the questions of your little ones who don't understand the complexities of life. Just that they want their Dad to be at home where he has always been.
It is the inability to know what to do with seven years of memories in picture and memento form that you shoved in a box "for now".
It is the kind of loss that makes you feel like if they had died it would have been slightly easier. Just because you know they left you without choice and left loving you.
It is a loss that makes you feel small and unwanted and not enough. A loss that is often filled with too many unanswered questions.
A loss that feels too great to bear as you care for two small children. Knowing if your children weren't there to care for you probably wouldn't bother moving from your bed.
It is sleeping, eating, breathing, dreaming thoughts of one person. It is dreams of reunion and waking to an empty bed and instant tears.
It is the worst thing that has EVER happened to me. And now it is over.
I am grateful for this loss. For the strength it gave me and for everything I learned. Because, in the end, what we found was love and forgiveness. And that is all we need.
Stop.
Ok, so I wasn't able to stop in five minutes. The Gypsy Mama herself didn't today so I hope that's ok for me too. Not editing, just posting. Breathe...
Go.
I am finally ready to talk about what I went through. I choose to do it here where I can do it once, and quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.
The loss of the person you were supposed to spend your life with is the worst thing I have felt or could ever imagine. It is a physical, emotional, mental, draining loss. A loss that make you unable to breathe. A loss that makes you want to puke. A loss that doesn't let you eat. A loss that causes you to drop 30 pounds in a month.
It is a loss that makes you cry until there are no tears left. A loss that keeps you dry sobbing when the tears are gone.
It is a loss of the future. Of all your plans. A place of chopped up memories.
It is the inability to answer the questions of your little ones who don't understand the complexities of life. Just that they want their Dad to be at home where he has always been.
It is the inability to know what to do with seven years of memories in picture and memento form that you shoved in a box "for now".
It is the kind of loss that makes you feel like if they had died it would have been slightly easier. Just because you know they left you without choice and left loving you.
It is a loss that makes you feel small and unwanted and not enough. A loss that is often filled with too many unanswered questions.
A loss that feels too great to bear as you care for two small children. Knowing if your children weren't there to care for you probably wouldn't bother moving from your bed.
It is sleeping, eating, breathing, dreaming thoughts of one person. It is dreams of reunion and waking to an empty bed and instant tears.
It is the worst thing that has EVER happened to me. And now it is over.
I am grateful for this loss. For the strength it gave me and for everything I learned. Because, in the end, what we found was love and forgiveness. And that is all we need.
Stop.
Ok, so I wasn't able to stop in five minutes. The Gypsy Mama herself didn't today so I hope that's ok for me too. Not editing, just posting. Breathe...
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