Five Minute Friday: Awake

It's Friday!  Five minutes of unedited free writing.  Click over to The Gypsy Mama and join in!

Today's Prompt: Awake

Go.

Funny how you aren't aware of what you have until it's gone.  Or how much you'll miss it when it isn't there.  Try as I might, I never love or appreciate Matt more than when he's gone.  Because I realize how much he means to me when he's here.  It's not that I don't realize these things on a daily basis.  It's just that when I watched him walk out the door this morning knowing I wouldn't see him until Sunday, I was really awake to how much I would miss him while he was gone. 

That may seem silly to some, it's only three days.  But to me, that is two nights sleeping alone in our bed, something I haven't done since the divorce.  I know there are many who have to make that sacrifice often, and I don't discount that.  Nor do I try to compare this to that. 

In my little world, though, those are two nights without his body to keep me warm, his breathing to make me feel safe, his arms to wrap me up tightly.  It's two less hands to help with dishes, bedtime, baths or "welcome home" hugs.  One less voice to inspire cooperation from my kids.  One less ear to listen to my frustrations. 

When you go through a period of time convincing yourself that you don't need someone when you really do, then you get the chance to try again, you have to reteach yourself to need them again.  This morning I was awakened to how very much I need him in my life.  It was a happy discovery.

Stop.

Confession: Today I went over a bit...wanted to finish my thought!  Happy Friday, people!

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