The last few weeks I have been training for the local Susan G Komen Race for the Cure going on here next Saturday. I am really excited to run it, especially since I discovered that I can actually run 3.1 miles without too much trouble. This is no small matter to the girl who had trouble getting through all four laps to make up the required mile in my physical education class growing up. I guess it just goes to show that size isn't everything. Skinny doesn't always equal strong or in shape, any more than having bits of fat makes me weak. This is an important lesson I have learned.
Something else the last few weeks have taught me is that I need a goal to stay focused. Losing weight isn't a goal, it's a benefit of living a healthy lifestyle- which is now my real goal. I'm starting to not focus on the scale so much as focusing on making sure I stay active and try to make good, nutritious food choices. I'm not perfect at this, and I've learned not to expect perfection. Striving for perfection will get you nothing but failure. And failure bites. The result of this new mentality is that I'm happier with myself and my progress- which has also helped me in my relationship with Matt.
Since we decided to work things out and get remarried, I have been quite happy. We keep working on things and they aren't perfect, but that's ok. It's very normal and that is a good thing. When we first got back together it was like we had just met all over again. As time went on, I realized there was always this teeny, tiny fear in the back of my mind that it wouldn't work out in the end. I have been struggling with that little fear off and on for almost a year now. Matt has been so supportive whenever that fear surfaced.
Having been reassured so many times, you would think the fear would go away. It's hard to explain, but every time we had a conflict and feelings similar to the ones I had when things went south came back, I freaked out. I brought up the past. I worried that just because one or both of us were upset that we would be back where we once were. I worried more about my appearance. I did all the things you're not supposed to do in a conflict. He would calm me down, we would talk it out and I would feel better again.
A few weeks ago, Matt and I were talking about something and the subject of our future came up and he told me he wasn't going anywhere, that I would have to be the one to leave for us to end. It may seem silly to some, but that was sort of a turning point for me. The last little piece of my heart I realized I hadn't given back to him was suddenly his again. My soul is calmer, my heart is sure, and my self-esteem is mine to deal with again. Our love has grown deeper, and it shows in the little things we do for each other.
That man loves me, and I love him. I gave him my heart almost 9 years ago and it has been his ever since. We have our bumps and bruises, but they do heal. We have been brought together so many times now that I truly believe we were meant to be. Life teaches us a lot of lessons. The most important one I have learned is that I can never take anything for granted. Not health, not friendship, not money and especially not love. Having the love of a man who gets me so completely, who makes me laugh, supports me and makes me feel beautiful in pajamas and yesterday's make-up, is something I will forever be grateful for. I also have to remember to love myself.
I want to thank our families, friends and all the people who read this little blog for supporting us as we travel our many journeys together and separately. The other day my in-laws thanked me for taking Matt back. I was touched by this, but didn't quite know what to say back. I will say now that I loved him nearly from the day I met him and I never stopped. It was hard to figure some things out, but deciding to try again wasn't hard at all. I know I made the right choice the first, second and third time I said, "I do."
Marriage isn't always easy. Life isn't easy. Changing is especially hard. Everything we do, our goals, the relationships we have- they all take work. Nothing happens in life that we don't put a little effort into. We just have to trust ourselves, learn from our mistakes, stay focused, follow our hearts and surround ourselves with people who support and empower us. I believe that to be true of everything we do.
What is your favorite relationship advice? How do you attack your goals in life? Who is your best cheerleader in life? Have a great weekend!
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